rules for friendship

Friendships do have rules ...
 



The Girlfriend Rules:


- We all know they exist, it's about time someone put them down on paper!


Sex and The City, Lipstick Jungle, chick flicks galore on both the big and small screen affirm the extraordinary bond between women. We support each other, look out for each other's interests, cheer each other on, offer up advice, do favours, sacrifice, share clothes and give, give, GIVE for the oh so honorable cause of women's sorority-ship. Always.


Yeah, right. 

I've had the privilege of befriending, both professionally and personally, some very happening women, most of which I call friend to this day.


I've also been privy on more than one occasion to a group of snippy backbiters. The last occasion where I found myself swimming against this misfortune was in a retail office full of very religious women, naively I assumed "This should be a fairly principled environment, right?" I soon learned that, on a daily basis, a select few would leave for lunch and as soon as the door closed behind them, one of these pious charlatans would proclaim (hand held to chest) "Well God bless her, and Jesus forgive me for saying anything ... but..." and the gossip would begin. 


My point is; there really are all kinds. There's class in every trailer park, and trailer park in every class. Every one gets burned, and the quicker we learn to cherish the real girlfriends we do find, the better.


A tried and true Girlfriend GETS the rules, and sticks to them. 

Ten rules of friendship (isn't it funny that there are always ten?)


1) You do not date your friends ex. 

The time limit on this:
If they were married or seriously committed: ever 
If the friend is also related to you: ever 
If they dated for over a year: after a year IF your friend is SO over the guy, you can ask. 
If they dated for less than six months: once your friend is clearly SO over the guy, you can ask.

** If your friend never gets over guys, you have to address this, and perhaps even re-evaluate what a flake your friend is.

2) You never negatively gossip about each other while one is absent. A concerned conversation, which may lead to a helpful conclusion, is exempt. 

3) If your mom is your friend, you need to be careful what you tell her. Especially about your friends. Your age is not relevant here.

4) When your friend dumps on you regarding her useless boyfriend or husband, you listen, offering very little input or direct advice. "I'll help you with whatever you decide." "You know I support you." THAT'S IT. 

REASON: Once these two reconcile, and you have confided in her that the guy is a jerk, spends too much, everyone hates him, etcetera ... you now have a problem. Let your friends alone decide on their love lives. ** Any abusive situation is, of course, exempt from this rule.

5) Do not be one of those 'friends' that constantly dumps about your useless boyfriend / husband. On occasion - fine, doing this constantly shows extreme disrespect for your spouse. It also has the eventual effect of making you look like a loser.

6) Old friends get the benefit of the doubt over new ones. Until they screw it up. A good friend never will.

7) Friends establish understandings about cash: Are you casual with money or not? YOU HAVE TO PUT IT OUT THERE. I'll spot any friend money if I have it. Forgotten wallet, emergency plane ticket, unexpected trip to the vet, bail ... whatever. I hate splitting hairs on restaurant checks, I'll get it this time, and you get it next time. THAT'S ME. Friends have to casually put their MONEY STUFF out there, and then all need to respect this. Some people can never loan money - it makes them nuts. 

ESTABLISH MONEY BOUNDARIES then HONOUR THEM.

8) It is your responsibility to not knowingly let your friend look bad.

Spinach in teeth, toilet paper on shoe, pertinent information at a gathering (So-and-so's boyfriend is in jail, don't bring him up / The guy to your left is rich / Mary just came out of the closet and would probably NOT want to meet your brother ... etcetera).

9) Friends do not sabotage each other, (even subconsciously). If Jane has lost twenty pounds and you've gained eleven, and you find yourself shoving cake in her face, maybe you need to look in the mirror.

10) Friends keep secrets. Period. Even from other friends.

**Spousal abuse, addictions and similar dangerous activities are exempt.

SECRETS need to be established. Is this a secret? ASK. If you do not mention that something is private from other friends, it is unfair to assume it is. Be careful with this one: it can be confusing, and it's a biggie. Girlfriends like to talk and they are not psychic.


There you have it, a few simple rules for friends to live by. And remember:



Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. 

--Samuel Butler


Friends are like melons; shall I tell you why? To find one good you must one hundred try.

-- Claude Mermet


A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

-- Bernard Meltzer.